the beachcruiser55

Upon initial activation of my Match account, my gmail was flooded with notification winks and messages. My confidence was through the roof, I couldn't wait to get home and check out all these suitors (i would never dare log in to match at work. The inter-office humiliation I would be facing is a scandal I am not yet prepared to take on. As I finally began to go through all my message and winks (wtf? I'm guessing it's equivalent to a poke?) my high spirits came crashing down and reality of on-line creepers set in. Old men, bald men, mexican men and other men with other fatal physical flaws starred back. I was on the verge of abandoning ship completely and pulling the short-lived plug of my online dating experience, when a certain headline caught my eye...

It said "I'm ready to lie about how we met" which is kind of funny, but more importantly a requirement for all potential suitors. I looked further at the pictures...Not bad other than possible indication of a receding hairline. I also might have been suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome, but i went ahead and took the plunge anyway.I met him after work where he gave me a choice of 3 restaurants all in close proximity. I chose the Greek place...it was probably the most expensive. Our beautiful first words were as followed:

I say: Hi, I’ve never done this before.

He says: I haven’t either.

I think: Bullshit.

And then I saw what something that confirmed all my worst fears,something I had a feeling about but forced myself to ignore against all better judgment…he not only a receding hair line but the beginnings of a very prominent bald spot smack-dab in the back of his head. My stomach instantly turned, but I dug myself into this hole of mine, so I reluctantly followed inside. The night progressed in a not-so-unbearable manner. A bottle of wine was ordered and I was suddenly a happy camper. I soon recognized this date for what it was—a free meal with an average, but very nice guy, who just happened to get fucked in the hair-gene pool.

The meal was coming to a close, and the dessert menu came. He suggests we walk to frozen yogurt near by. Not wanting to be too much a bitch and bail completely, I counter with the argument that Starbucks is right next door.

At our after-dinner-coffee date the issue of music arises (a make-it or break-it topic in my mind). I mention the Coachella line up and he says quote-un-quote, “Seeing Jay Z would be kind of cool, but I’m not really in to anyone else.”

I had no words for this statement. I mean have YOU SEEN the Coachella line-up?! Tiesto, Guetta, Bennassi, LCD Soundsystem, La Roux, Passion Pit, Kaskade, Deadmau5?!

The final nail in the coffin had been placed—beachcruiser55 did not love raver child.